A huge thank you goes out to Ang, Joe, Sam, and Will for stopping by the bar tonight. You all made one of the more frustrating shifts that much more bearable. You guys rule.

Look what I just discovered :)

Sailing on TV



· Aug. 3 - 2:30 pm - 3:00 pm - ACI Ronhill Cup - Outdoor Life Network (OLN)

· Aug. 3 - 4:30 pm - 5:00 pm - Road to the Louis Vuitton Cup - Outdoor Life Network (OLN)

· Aug. 5 - 8:00 pm - 8:30 pm - Road to the Louis Vuitton Cup - Outdoor Life Network (OLN)

· Aug. 5 - 11:00 pm - 11:30 pm - Road to the Louis Vuitton Cup - Outdoor Life Network (OLN)

· Aug. 10 - 2:00 pm - 2:30 pm - Road to the Louis Vuitton Cup - Outdoor Life Network (OLN)

· Aug. 24 - 4:30 pm - 5:00 pm - Road to the Louis Vuitton Cup - Outdoor Life Network (OLN)

· Aug. 26 - 8:00 pm - 8:30 pm - Swedish Match Cup - Outdoor Life Network (OLN)

· Aug. 26 - 11:00 pm - 11:30 pm - Swedish Match Cup - Outdoor Life Network (OLN)

· Aug. 31 - 2:00 pm - 2:30 pm - Swedish Match Cup - Outdoor Life Network (OLN)



Check out the Outdoor Life Network website for more boating shows.

I feel put down. I just read something that hurt a little. I don't even know if I should, but I feel like it's something I must avoid...I know, how vague can I get right?

Boo fucking hiss. I wanted to go for a run and it's pouring rain. I'm wide awake. We just sailed a kick ass race. We should do that more often. I like sailing. I love sailing. I like energy. I wish I didn't have to waste it. I'm going to bed.

I'm ready for something new. Someone new would be nice. Life has settled down. I could handle/use something to mix things up a bit. I'm ready for more confusion. I never thought I would say that.

I have a recurring feeling. A feeling that I want to react to a statement or event. The problem is that I know it is in my best intrest to keep my thoughts to myself. I fear that I shall return to my previous silent behavior. I suppose I jumped the gun in saying I know it is in my best intrest. I believe it is, but I question that decision. Should we not always say what's on our minds? Why must we fear society's reaction to our thoughts? There is a line drawn somewhere, indicating what is to be said and what is to be withheld. I have not yet discovered the exact placement of my line and seem to be leaning toward the "better safe than sorry" side of things.

Early nights mean two things. I get to sleep. I make no money. I'm not sure how I feel about them. Tonight was an early night.

Why is it that a compliment, or spirit booster of other sorts must always be followed by a downer? The male species is gaining influence on my life. I think we should limit the world only to those who make us feel better instead of worse.

Hmm...someone bit Ang. It wasn't me was it? I hate having to ask that question. I can tell you however that I did enjoy last night. I'm happy to have left early a sober girl tonight though. There are a lot of cool people in this world. I wish I could know them all. I'm happy to be able to get to know as many as I do. I hope I'm one of those cool people. I started to wonder what people think about me. I have asked many people, but you really can't find out an honest answer that way. I wonder if people think I'm pretty, or smart. I know that I am, but I don't know if many agree with me. Different people see me in different ways. There are those who think I'm a big nerd and study all the time, no partying; then others who think I'm just a druken fool. Wow, those really are negative descriptions. I'm glad to be a combination.

I'm starting to wonder if people are forgetting what I look like. It's been awhile since I've seen you all. I should fix that.

Wow, I think God must be smiling on me. My sheer display of drunken intelligence seems to have disappeared from the record (this time).

I've been inspired by the lovely ladies on fitzroy. I'm rearranging my room a bit. Sleeping in the spare room has made me realise that I just can't sleep well with my bed facing west. Silly me I know, but I'm enjoying it. Moving stuff is fun. I like decorating too...I think we should make slipcovers for 278.

Busy lives give the illusion of happy people. I think I'm happier though. I still get agravated by one thing: the fact that no matter what if you have an unresolved issue, it will sit in the back of your mind, and surface occasionally until it is resolved. Do I have unresolved issues? Have my issues been resolved for me? I think they may have been. That is not the way I would have chosen for things to happen, but it is not up to me I suppose.

One thing irritates me. Yes I realise I say that quite often, so that should say, "Many things irritate me." I'm adding another to the list: lying about an interest in becoming friends. One should never give the impression that they hope for a friendship if they are not sincere. That is simply unacceptable. It outrages me to see it happen, and just plain pisses me off if people do so to me. If I express an interest in your friendship, you can be sure that I am genuine. Please have the heart to do the same for me.

So...I haven't been able to post for a few days. It's given me an opportunity to think about things I've been told. That should have given me an opportunity to let go of the anger I have built up; but that's just it, I didn't let go, I let it build up. There is something that no matter how hard I try I can't grasp. For some odd reason the male species has gotten it in their minds that it's better to tell we females what we want to hear than to tell us the truth. What they fail to recognize is the unbearable amount of pain that can be caused should we believe their lies. This senario is one that I thought had faded away. The intelligence of our generation is large, but not enough to have conquored this terrible notion. Please, be honest with me. I'm fragile.

I've turned into my father. I've just come home with a bunch of drunks from the bar at the end of my shift and we're sitting here eating Canton. Granted, one of those drunks is my uncle, and they are sleeping at my house...but details people, details. I think I can do this...the working two jobs, sailing a bit, having a life thing. Speaking of having a life, everybody call me tomorrow, I'm off at four!

Guys suck. Rah. Life's confusing.

Have no fear. I have not fallen off the face of the earth. Although it has been a few days since I've been out. Things are odd. It's like I've been bumped off the beaten path. That's not necessarily good or bad. It's like I'm running along beside my previous trail. I'm not really sure where I'm headed. I've stopped to relax, draw, and think. What that thinking has figured out I'm not sure, but it has to be beneficial. Thinking is beneficial isn't it? I'm realizing just how much I really love my yacht club job. I'm thinking I may even try to go back next year. Will and Rob and Andrew are really great. I've been in my own little world quite a bit lately. I've also realized how much I've changed in this past year. Certain things have become very insignificant. On the other hand, there are things that concern me now that never had before. Life's an ever-changing path. Where I'm headed next is still a mystery to me.

I have a lot to think about tonight, but at the same time, a fair bit has been resolved.

I find it quite amusing how many people pointed out to me today that they just "didn't get the gist". I was amused. I suppose it was to be expected. How exactly could one know just what's happening in this crazy mind of mine? I do my best, and that's tough, I can only imagine what it's like to look from the outside in.

So much to say. This time however, I'd like to say it to certain people. Sometimes there are things we just don't know who to direct at, then your eyes are opened and you see what it is that's been bothering you. Or perhaps you saw it all along, but were afraid of the outcome and decided not to face it. In any case, I think I have a problem or two that it's time to face. (Problem isn't the right word...I'm just not sure what is...you get the gist.)

YAY! I don't work. I love my mother! Goin to Sam's...then gonna go sailing (I think)...then party a little harder heheheh.