The mind is a wonderous thing. Mine is brimming with thoughts. I spent last night alone. I haven't done that in awhile. Most of my life I have cherished the copious amounts of time I spent alone. Last night however I didn't know what to think of it. For a fair chunk of time now, I have had someone I knew would want to spend time with me and I with them. No matter what, I was rarely alone. I'd grown accustomed to having a close friend by my side. I've come to enjoy spending my "alone" time with someone else.
While I went about my activities (gel coat work on the canoe) last night, I thought about my feeling of heading back to a previous time in my life. I've come to realize that it's a feeling that comes from within me. I was a very emotional child; for the past few years, I had not shed a tear. A little over two months ago, the flood gates were opened once more. I think I had developped an attitude that I was invincible. I'm not. Now I feel vulnerable. I am allowing myself to feel vulnerable. I need to get back my confidence. I need to stop the tears.

Hey folks! Looks like I have to go into work tomorrow morning at ten. Don't be dismayed, canoeing is not out of the picture yet. They're not much for working full days. Pop your heads into Brennan's and see how it's going, I should be around. Now I'm off to bed; I'm exhausted!

Dear disorganized Daddy...looks like I'm working tonight. I'm his new built in bartender.

Hmm...maybe it was intuition. I went to clean, but they didn't want me yet. I'll have to find another means to occupy myself.

I couldn't wait to work. Today I have to go clean. I feel so blah! I don't wanna.

I won! We now have separate bushes in front of our house; rather than the large mass that was there this morning. I'm enjoying this whole gardening thing, but I've run out of things I feel inspired to do. If I get an edger I'll have a whole lot more I can attack.

Something on a deeper level. I think I've lost my wall of self-confidence. I didn't realise just how much progress I had made. Now I feel it crumbling. I'm doubting what people think of me. There are some opinions I wish I new. I don't know if they'd make me feel better or worse, but at least I could stop doubting myself and I'd just know.

Two things:
Firstly, remember those matchmaker set-ups from days gone by? It seems they've all but disappeared. Today I get an e-mail from SomeoneLikesYou.com...where did that come from?
Secondly, as I said before, am I a terrible person? What is it that makes people not want to talk to me?
Don't get me wrong, today is a good day! I'm fighting with the Japanese barberry bush in the front garden, and I think I'm winning:D

Something tells me today is going to be a good day. Mess with that and die! No, not really, I'm a good person, I wouldn't do that. I love you all!

Linda's home!!! Well almost...Today was interesting...I had some very deep conversations. Maybe that's what was missing in my life. I felt like I was making everyone deal with my problems. I don't know. That's something to be figured out with time. And my reliable source of advice is back to help me out.

Frustration. Routing from a lack of meshing of my feelings and emotions with those surrounding me. Where did Lex go? Sections of the past couple of days have felt unsettlingly surreal. Subconcious reactions oppose those of the normal Lex. I probably don't even make any sense. My days of being "normal" seem to have disappeared for a bit.

Do you ever wonder why it is that we are here? I sit here at this absurd hour of the day wondering what on earth is my purpose. I am stuck in a great moment of question. I would like to leave. It is not the people I would like to leave, but the current situations I am in. My perfect life doesn't feel so perfect right now. I know that I am a lucky girl. I am surrounded by some very good people, some of whom I was reminded this evening. I want to take some of these special people and go have some fun. A road trip would be nice. I want to skip out on this job I don't want. I want to skip out on these problems I create that don't really exist. I want to skip out on the people I care about but can't seem to stop fighting with. I want to return, just not right now.

I am allowing the people surrounding me to bring me frustration. Not because they bother me, but because I care. I want the best for you. I have become aware that people see fit to hide the negative things they do from me. If you feel it necessary to hide it, why are you doing it? Am I so harsh that I drive you all away? Is my way of showing that I care so terrible that you need to push me away? It's discouraging to see good days culminate in a bad one. If you feel the need to hide these things you're doing, perhaps you regret having done them. You will soon need to make the decision to change. Every second is an opportunity for change. Only when you want to can you accomplish this. My help is alway here, let me know how it may best be put to use.

I've mentioned this before; sometimes I have difficulty saying the things I want to say. I seem to be stuck in that rut at the present moment. I need to change. The power to change rests within each and every one of us. We hold the power to become the people we want to be. It is up to each individual to exercise that power. Take hold of the reins, take the path you wish for, take the chance and live your own life.

Nothing changes, I am still a stupid little girl. I want to be a special girl. Teach me?

Trust your instincts. Women's intuition is a powerful thing. Follow your heart, but remember to be careful, it's a fragile element of your being.

Situations often arise when someone you care about needs a little push in the right direction. It's hard to know just how much of a push, or what exactly the best advice is. There's a fear that your caring will be misinterpreted. Or perhaps you won't know just how much help is appropriate. Then there's the fear that you may be holding back too much, and your help is needed on a greater level. How do we know the right thing to do?

terrific and terrified...

Snap back to reality. Or is it reality? My mind is reeling once again. Questions keep arising. This is a feeling I'm not used to. I need appeasing...

I've always been a fan of quiet moments. I grew up in a quiet house, and have grown quite attached to the comfort of quiet. It is not complete silence, but an atmosphere in which you can hear the subtle things, and enjoy the low key environment. Sometimes we get lost in the typical modern teenage lifestyle of technology and parties. Last night was a reminder. I enjoyed a quiet evening in a favorite place with some very important people...thank you.

With much certainty I can say that we all fear rejection. A fear that the more someone learns, the less they want to know. A fear that you may become too clingy. A fear that you want too much. A fear that you want more than is wanted to be given.

"Why can't you just keep your GD mouth shut?" I lost track of how many times I said that. I never realised just how much I meant it. I feel like every day I hear something new that just shouldn't have been said. I've said my fair share, of that I am fully aware; however I made an effort to keep certain details to myself. I'm sorry for whinning like this, but I needed to get it off my chest.

Have you ever had something you want to say, but don't know if you should? I'm sure we've all had that type of thought run through our minds. Many of you have mentioned such occurances to me. With much certainty I tend to recommend that you spill what it is that you want to say, or perhaps ask. Some risks are worth taking. I have yet to regret opening up to someone. At the same time, I must agree that I do on occasion hold things back. This is a fault of mine. I believe I may be winning my battle against this. It's worth everything I get in return. Take the chance. Speak your mind.

Many events have occurred in the recent past leading me to the following conclusion. A single person can unintentionally inflict an unbelievable amount of stress on people they interact with. We may become attached to such a person before we realize the effect they have on us. One's attachment to friends could force a connection, which may grow into a stronger relationship of some sort. The stress may build until it causes an explosion. Or it may not be until after separating ourselves from said person, interaction with said person causes us to realise just how much stress they did cause. It is up to each individual to decide who it would be best to involve in their lives. Sometimes that means blocking out people who you thought you enjoyed having around.

I feel very strange. I'm not sure why.

I've had quite the week. Filled with an incredible sense of glee. Well doesn't that just sound silly. However, if you've seen me lately you would agree. I would attribute it to a certain someone I've had the pleasure of getting to know a little better. Every girl has a dream guy...usually fitting the criteria: good looking, smart, funny...but these are only the surface of it all. These are what caught my eye...it's the rest that's reeling me in, the rest I can't get enough of.

I got to thinking. Perhaps my lack of ability to express myself was routed deeper than simply an inability to form sentences. I just discussed with an intelligent counterpart the fact that there are some feelings that just cannot be put in to words. So often I'm asked what I think, or how I feel about something. It takes time for feelings to take shape. Time to put things to words. Then there are times when words just don't do justice. Another wise cohort reminded me today that should you not be able to express how you feel, don't let that stop you from talking to the important people in your life, even if it means putting unkind words behind you. Sometimes we hit a bump in a relationship, and don't realise until much later that we really need that person to be in your life in some form. Relationships may change, but those who make an impact on your life are sorely missed if you block them out. Eventually conflict is worked out and souls live in harmony with each other. I await the day when all who surround me may do so. God bless you all. I mean you no harm.

I seem to have difficulty forming intelligent sentences tonight. I see that as a problem. One that shall be conquered. For now however, I will resort to expressing myself in keeping with my previous trend: Yay Rob!

  Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

  Most people walk in and out of your life, But only friends leave footprints in your heart.

  Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

  Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

  Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

  You can only go as far as you push.

  The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

  Don't let the past hold you back. You're missing the good stuff.

  Life's short. Look around once in a while so you don't miss it.

  A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.

  Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.

  When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.

  Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

  Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.

  What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

  Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Yay for spring; yay for new beginnings:)

I want to make this more than somewhere to whine. I think I'll have a what's going on section. Any ideas anyone? E-mail them to me.

Hello. Here it is. My playground. I will be writing all of this page from scratch. I scrapped the blogger template and created my own. I recommend all of you do it. I am learning so much.